Self Medication

Have grown tired of self being anxious and depressed about chauffage global, but unfortunately, being tired does nothing to take away mental problems--often rather the contrary. Take break from work this afternoon to walk in muggy, warm air, feeling anxiety rise to unreached levels until find self at Barneys. Then suffer something like blackout, except am able to watch as ask for Size 29 or 30 please in imperious voice and then exhibiting extreme deciciveness not evident in any other part of life, try on pants, march up to cashier and say firmly, I'll take these--then find self on street holding black cloth tote bag (which I am unreasonably excited about) instead of usual paper bag with handle in posession of skinny jeans. Once out of store, decisiveness wilts and become fearful that it is at all appropriate for a person my age to wear what have bought. Am sufficiently distracted by question of propriety--which leads to long thought about Fashion and how one often ends up doing things one has said one would Never do--i.e. tight pants, baggy pants, pants with a flare--while at the same time congratulating self on never having purchased things still on the Never list--white jeans, black jeans, leather pants. When get back to the office tell the Contessa what have done. Her eyes grow big and she punches me on the shoulder very hard. She draws out identical black canvas bag from under desk. At least--she says--you didn't buy black jeans. See jeans and am sorry to say that wonder what black jeans would be like on self.