Monday, August 29, 2005

Becoming Animal

Unfortunate new addition to the office introduced at Staff Meeting. The Contessa and I ushered into the New Man's office and sat down in arm chairs opposite desk. The New Man produces doughnuts from the Doughnut Pub, two for each of us. Am very glad that Vice-Boss in rehab. Plan on eating one doughnut immediately and then sustaining self through meeting with small bites. Meeting promises to be trying. See that the New Man has an alarmingly long list in front of him. List has the header, Tasks. Squint eyes and make out first task on list, Organize C.V.drawer. C.V. drawer full to overflowing with unsolicited applications for the fellowships which the institute offers. Have often thought that if the C.V. drawer accidentally got ruined by water spilling on it, or a small, harmless fire was set, or if we had to move offices and the C.V.s got left behind, we would all be much better off. The New Man says, briskly, We've got to get those C.V.s under control. There are bound to be lots of people who are worthy of our consideration. The ones who aren't at least deserve a letter. Taps his pencil at the top of the paper. Who would like to volunteer-- Sentence interruped by very noisy fart coming from the Contessa. The Contessa gasps and says I Did Not do that. The New Man squints his eyes. Are you saying that you didn't just pass gas? The New Man can't keep up act and laughs, slapping legs. The contessa Red and I can tell very, very angry. The new man shows us the button for the fart machine, and, when the Contessa gets up, shows us where he hid the speaker under the Contessa's cushion. The Contessa says with hauteur, I guess this is the end of the Meeting. Later in the day, Romeo the copy machyine guy is startled by the fart noise coming out of the copy machine, but thinks it is funny when shown the appliance. Libby stops by and when she bends down to pick up a pen dropped by the New Man, the alarm is sounded. (Am ashamed to join in the New Man's mirth) Libby highly indignant, says, you are both Twelve. The New Man makes the noise in the office by himself, and when am called in for Just a Second, brace self for inevitable noise. Noise arrives in middle of what is becoming to be an interesting conversation about the Mass MOCA exhibit called Becoming Animal. Begin to hate machine. By end of day am very suprised that batteries haven't worn out .( When ask, weakly, the New Man says, I brought extras!) The Contessa and I reduced to nervous shells, waiting for the noise to erupt again. Had not thought that anything could be worse than the Vice-boss.

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