Wanting to be Caught

The Contessa gone today, so pull out pending file and look through its contents. Hear overly dramatic sighs escaping from body. Tell self firmly that one has a Job and is being paid for Job. There is no use feeling sorry for oneself. Sighs continue. First document on top of pending file is the contract for the copy machine. Am shocked at the monthly charge, possibly as much as a Jaguar costs (not sure about this). Contract clearly issued by the Devil's minions. Have clairvoyant flash that when sign contract it will catch fire and blood (mine) will splatter on the wall. Nothing of the sort happens. Work through pending file, sneaking glances at the phone and at the door. Would very much like the New Man or the Dean or even Libby even to come in. Hand hovers over phone, poised to dial Libby's extension. Get a hold of self. Immediately lose head and call Libby. Get her voice mail, in which she says she is on vacation. At the end of her message, she leaves her home phone number and her cell phone number In case of an Emergency. Type vehement email to Libby expalaining that nothing we do at the school could ever possibly devolve into an emergency and if there were an emergency at work (i.e. a stabbing or an anneurism) there would be very little she could do from afar. Erase email message. The phone continues its silent ways. Perhaps it is broken. Or the phone line is cut. Begin to construct fantasy in which the rest of Greenwich Village has been evacuated. Am the only person left. This train of thought no longer fun. Chew on pen. Am almost at bottom of pending file but want to save the rest of the work for tomorrow. What to do? Exiting idea presents itself. Let self into the vice-boss's office (know she isn't coming in) to look for other bottles of vanilla and/or stolen goods. Don't find anything in her filing cabinets, or in any of her desk drawers. With a flash, begin to look behind the books in the bookshelf. On the top shelf find two empties (small glass vanilla bottles, not the large size). Also discover hair clips, face cream from Bigelow, horse shampoo from Khiel's, honey made by the Bees of Nova Scotia. Stolen or not? Look on bottom shelf behind books and find three bras, a cashmere hat and matching scarf (from Marc Jacobs) see something lodged between the bookshelf and the wall. The phone rings. Stand up very quickly, flushing. Dave on the phone. Says, what are you doing? Reply, Nothing. Dave says, Are you busy? Say No. Says, Well I'm going to stop by and bring you a treat. This produces very dirty thought. Treat turns out to be a small box of dark chocolates decorated with edible gold. Show Dave what I've found. Ask, Do you think this is stuff she Stole? Dave give me a look, raising his eyebrows, asks rhetorically, "What do you think?"