Craig's Procedure

Receive alarming message intended for Craig. In message, Craig is told, This is to Comfirm his Procedure and to remind Him that he is only to consume clear or white beverages 24 hours prior to the Prodecure. Discuss with Contessa. We make list of drinks that fit the requirements: water, seltzer, Vodka, Gin, Milk, Sprite. We agree that Milk a bad idea (not to mention Gin) after any sort of Procedure. Feel that we ought to track down Craig, but as neither the Contessa nor I know how to work the University phones to check to see who the incoming caller was, and as we have no other way to reach him, we give up. There is a silence. The Contessa says, "Diet Sprite," to add to the list. Feel this is redundant.

Dear Libby stops by. We enlist her to help up crack the phone system so we can figure out who was calling for Craig. She gives us a look of disdain and says, unnecessarily, You don't know how to find your incoming calls? She punches in codes until she says Aha! What? Asks the Contessa. Who is it? It was a Restricted Call, Libby says, and seems disappointed in herself. She rallies, taking a look at my desk. You know, she says, a Successful Person only touches each piece of paper on His desk once. Am sure that have touched each piece of paper several dozens of times but thank Libby for suggestion. Libby has several more suggestions regarding our filing system (we ought to buy a label maker,) the Contessa's purse, and the health of the house plants (the potted palm is getting too much water.) Well, I say, what brings you down here today? Libby invites me and Contessa to a performance of her One Woman Show. The Contessa is busy on the evening of the show, has to go to a fitting for a bridesmaid dress. I wonder if she is lying or not, and am in deep admiration if this is not the truth, but while so distracted, suffer some sort of mental laps and I let slip that I would love to go. You won't be sorry, Libby says. Alas, this not true, because I already am.