Consumerism

Take opportunity of absence of vice-boss and the New Man to go Barney's co-op sale. Am in dire need of clothes, especially pants. Down to one pair because as was bending down in my closet to pick up shoes the other day, whole crotch section of other suitable pair gave out. Even though all by myself, felt deeply ashamed. Got into fix with clothes because fear of global warming made shopping seem indulgent and destructive instead of fun. But once inside store feel familiar excitement. Take lap around perimeter to see what there is. Find nice cotton pants of trendy maker marked down by a lot. Practically being given away. Only problem is that pants have a 29 waist. Decide to be optimistic. Feel that pants may be tight but sometimes sizes run large. In dressing room, have trouble buttoning, but suck in stomach. Pull up shirt to look at waist area. Am horrified to see rolls of flesh . Have never noticed rolls before. 30 yrs. old apparently not the same thing as 24 years old. Pants clearly made by the devil. Kick off pants and hand back to the shop clerk. Say "these are too tight," with air of being deceived. "Yeah," he says as if he could have told me outcome. Console self by buying a belt with whales on it, a light summer sweater (to combat air conditioning) and a long sleeved shirt. Very hot outside. Walk quickly back to the office. Sweat. Start to feel sad--the sadness brought on by humidity which causes dramatic images of throwing self in front of train. (Question: if sadness caused by cold and sadness also caused by humidity, why do I live in New York? Do I like to be sad? Shouldn't follow this line of reasoning any further.) Office and rest of offices on floor empty as though all co-workers taken up by aliens. Or evacuated because of Legionairres disease contamination. Check email. The Contessa comes back with a coffee stolen from Summer Colony. Go to summer colony to get self coffee. Get excited by walnut brownie but remember stomach rolls and restrain self. Decide that Life is Too Short to not eat brownies. Take brownie back to office to Share with contessa. The Contessa has already eaten three cookies and she says she is huge, a beast. Take high ground. Think that discussion of weight is ridiculous. Eat whole brownie quickly to prove that not shackled by body image ideas. Lick fingers. Show Contessa new clothes. The whale belt ruined by the Contessa's facial expression.