I Am an Actor

Answer the phone at the office. It is the Contessa'a friend Suzy. Last time I saw Suzy we got into brisk discussion about the death penalty which turned into a debate about the Homeless and ended with the Contessa kicking me under the table saying, Didn't I Say I had plans with Other People? So as not to get into the quagmire of conversation with Suzy, immediately pass the phone to the Contessa. The Contessa screams, How Fun, We'll be there and hangs up phone. The Contessa alleges that Suzy has invited us to a networking party for movie people. She didn't mean me, I say. She said especially you. The contessa and I both know this is untrue. There is a pause. Am told by the Contessa there will be Free Wine and Hors d'Ouvres. Somehow this convinces me to go even though I know that the wine will be bad, the bar mobbed, and the hors d'ourvres eaten only by those standing directly next to the kitchen door (these suspicions subsequently confirmed). At bar am immediately abandoned by the Contessa and Suzy because Suzy has somebody she wants to Introduce the Contessa to, Cute and Rich, has his own production company. Have violent thoughts about Suzy involving the second coming of Communism. Push way through crowd to get to the bar order a vodka and soda. The bartender has a very heavy hand with the booze. Take large gulp of cocktail to reduce mounting panic that if there is a fire, people will be Trampled. Find small young woman with rabbit face at my elbow. She is wearing a name tag that says Hilary. Hilary asks, What do you do? in interrogative tone. Feel that am going to get in trouble (why?) Panic. Say, I am an Actor. (Last time acted was in the spring 1991 High School presentation of The Crucible.) Hilary says, What Have you Been in? Can see no way out of lie, so say Sex in the City, which, in the strictest sense is true. (Several years ago, through no fault of my own find myself as an extra in a bar scene. Proper term for extra is Background, as in, I do Background work. Do not care for term background, or Extra, for that matter. Spend 5 hours quarentined in unhealthy basement away from other actors and even away from other extras who hold SAG card. Only thing to eat Entemanns yellow cake and extremely nasty coffee. Hear extras brag to each other about about having "played" the Dead Body in Law and Order. Some own their own Police Officer Uniforms for work on Third Watch. Am apalled.) Hilary gives me her Card. Say, I will Send you my Headshot. Find that glass of Vodka and Soda empty. Have it filled up again. Hilary asks, Are you SAG? Conversation progresses (later have a very very hard time pieceing together the order of events.) Astonishingly, take leave from Hilary with appointment for screen test the next week. The Contessa and Suzy nowhere to be found. Take Taxi home on strength of future earnings from Acting Career. Imagination takes control. Write gracious letter of resignation. Buy unpretentious House in Montauk and small co-op in West Village. Tip the cab driver extravagantly. Go upstairs elated, but fear that the morning will bring headache and remorse (later confirmed.)