Luch at the Diner

Have lunch with the Contessa today at Joe Jr's diner. She says that she is woefully hungover and can't eat a thing, but then when waiter appears she recants and orders French Toast, side of bacon, cup of coffee and a grapefruit juice. Order usual cheeseburger deluxe and diet coke. The Contessa says she went out with her friend Betsey last night and woke up in bed--alone, Thank God, she says drowning French toast in syrup--but wearing all of her clothes and lights blazing throughout apartment. (Side note: she has decided to move into the Boss's old apartment and take it as part of her inheritance--settling the furniture, paintings--some apparently worth quite a bit--and silver on the Boss's brother and sister--apartment is already filthy and woefully underfurnished.) If that wasn't bad enough, the Contessa adds, she discovered in her purse a dirty dishrag she'd playfully snatched from the bartender she'd been flirting with. Said bartender tall, from Hawaii, and about eighteen years old--what could he have thought of me asks the Contessa? Don't answer that, she interjects, wagging a piece of bacon. Bite into last quarter of burger and hit Bone--noise very alarming. The Contessa asks, Did you Break a Tooth? Feel around in mouth and find all intact. Inwardly, am much more worried that have eaten bone of the spine and also nerve matter--brain takes brisk trip to Mad Cow Disease--from there, thoughts become more grim and turn to the plight of the bees and ends with picture of rapidly shrinking ice caps and certain violence and death. Shove rest of burger in mouth and order chocolate Milkshake. We move on to topic of the Vice-Boss. At end of conversation--which is long and covers usual themes of shoplifting (no new incidents, but we rehash the old) and her lies--the Contessa tells shocking story about baldfaced lie told by the Vice-Boss to the Dean--when caught out, the Vice-Boss merely laughed and changed topic to the Mideast. We shake our heads, agreeing to the Vice-Boss's general unfitness for human contact and then the Contessa says she doesn't know why we waste so much breath on such a creature. Don't know either. There is a brief pause before we reopen topic with gusto.