Money

Have another conversation about money with Dave. Conversation prompted by bounced check (mine). Performed grave miscalculation regarding when pay check will go through (Friday) and when credit card company would receive check in the mail (immediately, apparently). Dave says, Dont' worry about it. Become tinglingly aware that he is going to offer to give me allowance of some sort. Hopes dashed when, instead, offers to help come up with budget. Tell him that a budget makes me nervous. Scratches head. Says we should talk aobut both of our finances. There is no need to be nervous (feel that there is, though not sure why). Asks that I show him my bank statements and he will show me his. Agree. Go to closet to retrieve bank statements. Feel ears and face get hot. Remember that in fit of cleaning several weeks ago, threw out large stack of papers. Am fairly certain that bank statements in this pile. Tell Dave. He says that's ok, we can look on the internet for my statements. He will get his statements but Do I know where he put That Box? Ask, which box? Box in question discovered in far right bottom corner of storage locker in basement, underneath piles of other boxes full of--if judging by weight--gold bars. Return to apartment feeling dusted with mold. Jenny looks up from the couch. Sinks head back down onto paws and closes her eyes firmly. Dave and I sit down at table in kitchen. Pour wine. Analysis of Dave's bank and brokerage statements, and probing questions about trust and business reveal that though he may be very rich at some point, he currently is hardly better off than me. Am very, very disappointed. We decide to hold off on making budgets. I say that it sounds Depressing and Dave says, I think so too. This morning, try to face bad news with good humor but find self sighing. Sighing in shower, on subway, sighing on elevator to office, a large sigh while turning on computer. The Contessa asks, What's Wrong. Without meaning to, tell her everything, including very personal details about Dave's family. The Contessa, though very bad with money, has always been the picture of generosity, but says briskly, I don't know why people say that money wouldn't make us happy. We know very well that it would.