Office Birthday Party

On way to train this morning, pass Presbyterian church on the corner. There are 5 Cadillac stretch limos and several large black Mercedes Benzes, but what really catches my attention is that the last limo in the row is blasting Biggie, loud enough to make windows hum. Can only hope that funeral is for a rapper, otherwise, think extremely inappropriate. On platform, sit on bench to wait for train. Read until see gray shape out of corner of eye. Stand up quickly and move away from bench, telling self (not for the first time) that I will Never sit on that bench again. Once up, notice man holding bag containing darling, young, trim, well-behaved Beagle. Jenny darling, but still not anorexic, and would not want to test her ability to stay in bag without barking. (Imagine very dramatic scene involving a chase down the train platform, Jenny running ahead of me just out of reach, baying, wagging tail, and then jumping down to tracks which necessitates heroic rescue and picture in the Post.) When at work call the Contessa to tell her about the rapper funeral and the Cute Dog. She rudely interrupts and says We have a Situation here to deal with. It turns out that the vice-boss has just come in and told the Contessa that it is her (the vice-boss's) birthday, but that the Contessa is NOT to do anything. Does she mean I should do something? The Contessa asks me. Reply that I'm afraid it does. Ask what the vice-boss is eating these days. What she's not eating, the Contessa says, is refined sugar, Wheat, dairy, meat, or nuts. I tell her I will find something and bring it over so we can sing the vice-boss happy birthday. Shockingly awkward moment follows as the Contessa, her secretary, and I sing happy birthday around one lit candle jammed into avocado half. (Remember at last minute in store that avocados a favorite of the vice-boss and never on the forbidden list.) Singing is not as vigorous or as in tune as one might like and the Contessa is deputized to blow the candle out for the vice-boss who says that she has Asthma. This is so nice, she says as we pass around avocado pieces.