Witching Hour
(Prevented from posting yeterday because of errors with blog system. Am sorry.)
Wake up in middle of night to smell of burning rubber. Diagnose brain cancer, imagination takes charge (shaved head, little gown, tearful speeches and goodbyes) until thought occurs that smell not olfactory hallucination, but actualy something burning. (Question: Which possibility is scarier? Answer: Equally scary?) Force self to get up. Am joined in expedition by Jenny, who walks briskly ahead of me into kitchen. Mere seconds later, hear unholy noise. Think 1) ghost 2) raccoon (unlikely on the thirteenth floor) 3) cat. Find Jenny's front right paw stuck on glue mouse trap. Mouse also stuck to trap. Both animals very vocal about their distress. Grisly scene follows, in which run to computer to check to see if internet contains answer to hastily typed question How Do You Get a Dog Off A Glue Trap? Jenny has limped along after me, whimpering and dragging trap and mouse along. Internet apallingly terse. Instructions: 1. Coat glue on pet's paw with vegetable oil. Do not feel at all that instructions convey difficulty of procedure, or take into account that dog and mouse in very close quarters. Strike on idea of first snipping trap in two with scissors--scissors ruined--mouse still very much alive, but at least no longer a pair. Disposal of mouse does not need to be recorded here but am sure that will be recalled at day of judgement. Turn attention to Jenny. As per original instructions, coat glue on paw with vegetable oil. Instruction number 2 advises: Oily reside is removed with soap and water. Put Jenny in tub. She shivers, cowers, shows the whites of her eyes and makes high pitched noise at the back of her throat as run warm water over paw while applying dish detergent. Jenny may be permenantly psychologically damaged (as am I) but paw appears good as new. Carry her back to bedroom and put her on bed. Am shocked and a touch angry to see that Dave has slept through whole escapade. Wake him him with poke between shoulderblades. Ask icily, Dave why did we have a glue trap in the kitchen? He says sleepily that he let the exterminator in the other day, why? Explain to him at length. Mmm, he says, sounds like it turned out all right. Jenny is in tight ball, sound asleep, and wish--not for the first time--that had the memory of a dog. Human memory keeps me awake for many hours hence.
Wake up in middle of night to smell of burning rubber. Diagnose brain cancer, imagination takes charge (shaved head, little gown, tearful speeches and goodbyes) until thought occurs that smell not olfactory hallucination, but actualy something burning. (Question: Which possibility is scarier? Answer: Equally scary?) Force self to get up. Am joined in expedition by Jenny, who walks briskly ahead of me into kitchen. Mere seconds later, hear unholy noise. Think 1) ghost 2) raccoon (unlikely on the thirteenth floor) 3) cat. Find Jenny's front right paw stuck on glue mouse trap. Mouse also stuck to trap. Both animals very vocal about their distress. Grisly scene follows, in which run to computer to check to see if internet contains answer to hastily typed question How Do You Get a Dog Off A Glue Trap? Jenny has limped along after me, whimpering and dragging trap and mouse along. Internet apallingly terse. Instructions: 1. Coat glue on pet's paw with vegetable oil. Do not feel at all that instructions convey difficulty of procedure, or take into account that dog and mouse in very close quarters. Strike on idea of first snipping trap in two with scissors--scissors ruined--mouse still very much alive, but at least no longer a pair. Disposal of mouse does not need to be recorded here but am sure that will be recalled at day of judgement. Turn attention to Jenny. As per original instructions, coat glue on paw with vegetable oil. Instruction number 2 advises: Oily reside is removed with soap and water. Put Jenny in tub. She shivers, cowers, shows the whites of her eyes and makes high pitched noise at the back of her throat as run warm water over paw while applying dish detergent. Jenny may be permenantly psychologically damaged (as am I) but paw appears good as new. Carry her back to bedroom and put her on bed. Am shocked and a touch angry to see that Dave has slept through whole escapade. Wake him him with poke between shoulderblades. Ask icily, Dave why did we have a glue trap in the kitchen? He says sleepily that he let the exterminator in the other day, why? Explain to him at length. Mmm, he says, sounds like it turned out all right. Jenny is in tight ball, sound asleep, and wish--not for the first time--that had the memory of a dog. Human memory keeps me awake for many hours hence.
posted by thirty-year-old secretary at 5:23 PM
1 Comments:
I know I shouldn't laugh, but that was funny! At least all was resolved and the great thing, you got a post out of it all, so that's not bad.
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