Dear Friends and Fellow Secretaries Write In
Dear Fritz:
I am at it again, trying to forestall the beginning of Coke drinking. I like to wait until at least 11:00, but here it is, 9:40, and I’m already dying. It’s just that free coke is one of the few pleasures of a position in the financial sector. As opposed to, say, actually understanding the industry you work in. These are the perks: matching 401(k)s, refrigerators stocked with refreshment, and leftover catered lunches. Sometimes you luck out and score some salmon; sometimes, you make do with a plate of pickles—which cause cancer, I’d like you to know. This I learned during one of my 47 interviews for the job. I can’t remember which one now, the day was a blur of sycophancy and vocabulary, and at the end of it I was headed home for the funeral of a cousin struck down by colon cancer. “You know you shouldn’t eat pickles, right?” my interviewer cautioned. “Or any pickled foods.” No, I told her, I did not know that. My poor cousin, he was crazy about pickles. Who isn’t? But more to the point, what kind of nut makes that connection for you? I still took the job, though. The money is too good to stand on principle.
It’s 10:30 now. Time for a drink.
Love,
Anna
I am at it again, trying to forestall the beginning of Coke drinking. I like to wait until at least 11:00, but here it is, 9:40, and I’m already dying. It’s just that free coke is one of the few pleasures of a position in the financial sector. As opposed to, say, actually understanding the industry you work in. These are the perks: matching 401(k)s, refrigerators stocked with refreshment, and leftover catered lunches. Sometimes you luck out and score some salmon; sometimes, you make do with a plate of pickles—which cause cancer, I’d like you to know. This I learned during one of my 47 interviews for the job. I can’t remember which one now, the day was a blur of sycophancy and vocabulary, and at the end of it I was headed home for the funeral of a cousin struck down by colon cancer. “You know you shouldn’t eat pickles, right?” my interviewer cautioned. “Or any pickled foods.” No, I told her, I did not know that. My poor cousin, he was crazy about pickles. Who isn’t? But more to the point, what kind of nut makes that connection for you? I still took the job, though. The money is too good to stand on principle.
It’s 10:30 now. Time for a drink.
Love,
Anna
posted by thirty-year-old secretary at 1:15 PM
1 Comments:
Coke in the morning? Other secretaries are obviously tougher than I am. I've taken to making espressos before work, though, because it means I get through the door chipper and don't snarl at the staff (not always a good thing, I suppose - it's easier to function in a bureacracy if you're in a bad mood.)
I'd seriously recommend dark chocolate as a mid-afternoon pick-me-up. In lieu of a 2nd or 3rd coffee, dark chocolate has caffeine & sugar, releases dopamines into the blood stream and allows one to feel a little more European.
Without pickles, I'd be lost. However, the taste in my workplace runs to frozen Stouffer lunches. So there are worse sources of carcinogens than Polish/Jewish dills.
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