And, We Fear What We Create

Wake up yesterday morning with sudden memory that am to go to meetings at the houses of donors with the New Man so that can take notes. Did not volunteer for job, but at meeting several weeks ago, the Vice-Boss said (based on nothing) that Fritz is really good at taking notes. Without thinking, piped up, Not really. Vice-Boss said, oh yes, one time you drew a very good chicken. Remembered chicken and was proud and touched that she remembered, but did not see how this demonstrated good note taking skills. The New Man said to the Vice-Boss Great, Fritz will take notes for me the same week the Contessa is taking notes for you. This, though not a joke, and not funny, caused the vice-boss and New Man to laugh at alarming length and volume. Day before yesterday, Vice-Boss said that was to dress in business clothes (order accompanied by disconcerting head-to-toe scan of clothes. Did not care to guess what scan revealed. Wanted to say, I remember when a lady with tattoos all over her face worked here! I'm doing just fine! (doing fine in comparison, if must be rigidly honest with self.)) Yesterday morning, open closet to find business clothes even though am not exactly certain what those are and even if certain, am sure that do not have. Find passable navy blazer (purchased at Salvation Army.) Unearth gray wool pants, which fit fine but are wrinkled very badly. Give good shake, but see that ironing unavoidable. Loathe ironing above all other activites (including basketball). After dealing with pants (also wicked ironing board, and iron, which seems to cause more creases than it solves) feelings about ironing not improved. Put on white shirt and navy cashmere tie. Check self out in mirror and see that look like Doorman. Take off shirt and tie. Find pink shirt which, though not appropriate to season (even though right for weather which is too warm for November--stop unhelpful train of thought which is headed straight toward Global Warming panic) at least doesn't look like uniform. Settle on tie with blue and yellow stripe which, though clashing, again, doesn't look like uniform. Outfit met with raised right eyebrow (New-Man's.) At first meeting, give self firm instruction that am not to doodle. Take notes assiduously. At end of meeting see with horror that though have not, technically, doodled, have dotted all i's with circles. Have also drawn garland border. In next meeing, stifle urge to draw stars. Stifled urge manifests itself in spooky insects in far right corner. Take car service to next meeting, which goes on for quite some time and turns into dinner at Italian restaurant on upper east side. As don't care to slur or say something inappropriate, and as am unsure whether or not note taking required, order Pellegrino. Rest of table orders cocktails. Charming older woman wearing tweed suit orders and drinks two vodka tonics very quickly and then spills third on my lap. This causes much running around and bringing of napkins. Since already smell like drunk order glass of wine. Older woman's husband not charming and in posession of very bad breath. Talks to me about Tennis, which I don't care about at all. Attempt to talk about Books, but gentleman ignores and says Isn't Bush doing much better now? Tax cuts and the economy, &tc. Disagree from core of being, but nod head agreeably as see that argument will do no good. Vice-Boss give me money for a cab, which makes feel excited about not having to take subway all the way home but also ashamed of state of life. In back seat, experience sudden feeling of disconectedness and fear. Taxi driver talking on telephone to friend, Explains to friend that was sick last week but that still had to pay lease fee of $100 per day. Goes on to list other woes (daughter sick, mother evicted.) Begin to feel very sorry for driver and plan large tip. Driver suddenly says to friend, You know what the buddhists say, We create what we fear. Sit up in seat. Feel better and worse at the same time. At home, am greeted by frantic licks (Jenny's) and hug (Dave's.) When go to sleep, dreams feature floods.